At my local Price Chopper yesterday, i saw a “shower cleanser” that’s for, it says on the label, all bathtubs, showerheads, tub enclosures and, get this: shower curtains, too. I thought, “Oh, goodie! Now i can cleanse my shower!”

Then i read on to the instructions, where Step One (of 3) says, i swear to God: “Start with a clean, dry tub enclosure.” (Yoohoo: If my tub enclosure were clean and dry …)

i also saw a bottle of lemon juice whose list of ingredients included “artificial lemon flavoring” and, two aisles over, a bottle of dish detergent whose ingredient list included “real lemon juice.” Memo to dish-detergent manufacturer and lemon-juice bottler: Maybe you folks could profitably get together? Just saying.