Did you hear that the N.Y. Mets have hired former player Mookie Wilson as their minor-league “Baserunning Coach”?? My immediate reaction was: PLEASE RE-THINK THAT, GUYS.

There’s no way i couldn’t do that job, and i’d do it for probably a tenth the salary they’re paying Mookie (… which would no doubt quadruple my current salary: a win-win!)

OK, i could never keep a secret: Below is exactly what i would do if hired. Here, my friends, are the 3 steps that every successful Baserunning Coach must master.

1. Wait till someone hits the ball. (With the Mets, this could take a very long time.) Anyway, the moment bat meets ball, leap from your seat and charge up the dugout steps, yelling, “Run, you bastard! Run!”

2. When a hitter arrives safely at first base, that’s when you really swing into action. Of course, there’s already a first-base coach there — whom the Mets are paying WAY more than they’re paying you, but let’s not think about that. Instead, think about The Signal you and the players have set up for this very situation. The Signal consists of you, the professional Baserunning Coach, ”wiping your nose” in a secret and very clever way so as to hide the fact that you’re actually “pointing” across the field to the third-base coach — who makes more than you and the first-base coach combined, but let’s ignore that. The goal here is to remind your baserunner to watch the third-base coach, who will tell him how big a lead to take, whether and when to steal, and when and how far to run. In other words, he’s five times more important than you’ll ever be – and makes 20 times more money, but we don’t really care.

3. Go and sit down in the dugout again, looking very thoughtful and clapping your hands a few times. This makes viewers, players, and managment think you’ve done something.

And there you have it. Mookie, take notes and practice, practice, practice; you’ll get it. But meanwhile, i already have it.

So, Mets: If on second thought you realize i’d be every bit as good a Baserunning Coach as the Mookster, and quite a bit cheaper, just give me a call! I’m available.