Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Elul (end-of-August, like) has come around again, and you know what that means: It’s mitzvah-time in Newburgh. Today my husband and his pastor-friends went for a hike at my favorite place — Storm King — and didn’t invite me, so i decided to get back at them: i’d go out and buy bagels, and then not share. (THAT’ll teach them!) Turns out i got two free ones, so i have 14 to bring TO THE OFFICE tonight, so that PEOPLE WHO LIKE ME can eat them.
But i digress.
As i did on my way home from the bagel shop.
NO, i didn’t exactly “digress,” but i got distracted. i was about two blocks from home here in the ‘hood, when what do i see in front of South Junior High School but two guys breaking into a car. They had the requisite coat hanger and long-handled, flat-head screwdriver, and they were trying to, like, “pry down” the driver’s-side window. Now, in any other city, such a scene would accurately be labeled: “Two Guys Breaking Into a Car.” But i had a funny feeling they were just like me: idiots who had merely locked themselves out. i got home, ran inside and put the bagels in the fridge, grabbed my license, house keys, cell phone and Triple-A card, and ran back.
Sure enough, i was right. One call to AAA on my part, and they’d be in. Unfortunately, i don’t speak Spanish “muy bien.” Conjuring my one, high-school course in that language, however, i was able to discern that the shorter fellow either thought i am a prostitute or was named “Jorge,” and that he was the owner of the vehicle; the other had some weird-ass name that i never could understand, and he was the “amigo.” He was trying to “ayudarle,” which means either that he was trying to help, or that they were trying to steal the car. Confident that my instincts were right once again (this would have made at least the third or fourth time in my 60 years), i called Triple-A. Within 15 minutes, a truck from Pat’s Garage arrived. The driver checked my ID and AAA card, took 2.1 seconds to unlock the door, and we were all “finito.”
With muchas gracias from my two new amigos, i strolled home, all pleased with myself. And just think: i never would have done it if it hadn’t been for my husband not taking me on his hiking trip. i guess G-d works in ways misteriosos.