… when they’re so darned easy to find? I mean, c’mon: pink, blue and yellow eggs? You can’t find them on a green lawn? What are you, colorblind? Try a REAL challenge, while you’re getting ready to bite the heads off your chocolate bunnies: Go the the Newburgh, N.Y. Web site and try to find the list of the city’s licensed electricians.

OK, time’s up.

Can’t find them, can you. And you know WHY you can’t? Because they’re NOT THERE, that’s why! The licensed PLUMBERS are there, but not the licensed electricians. And yet the city prevents you from having work done on your house, unless it’s by a licensed electrician.

 

This week, i spent an unpleasant half-hour searching through Newburgh’s Web site for that list. After i gave up, i called the Code Compliance Department, where someone tried to explain to me that they don’t have such a list; that the list is kept in … G-d knows this is true … the Newburgh Fire Department. I called the fire department, hoping no one would have a real fire while i was on the phone with them, and a very nice woman named Colleen told me the list is not e-mailable, but that i could come on down and pick up a hard copy of it. Ten minutes later i arrived at the fire department on Grand Street and found Colleen, who was eating lunch at her desk. G-d bless her, she got up, located a copy of it, and gave it to me, free! Eight pages long, stapled: 105 names, address and phone numbers.

Just out of idle curiosity, i asked her why they don’t put the list on the Newburgh Web site. Answer: She doesn’t know, but it wouldn’t be her job to do that. Whose job would it be? She doesn’t know, but the fire department’s computers aren’t set up to do that. I also asked why they can’t e-mail the list of licensed electricians to residents like me, who request it. Answer: She doesn’t know, but her computer isn’t set up to do that.

Ah, Newburgh.

Anyway, in my ongoing campaign for canonization, i have typed below the entire list of 106 electricians who are licensed in the City of Newburgh. Enjoy, my fellow citizens! And feel free to pass this list on to anyone who needs it.

 

All names are as provided by Colleen at the Newburgh Fire Station on Grand St., March 25, 2009.

Unless otherwise noted, all addresses end with Newburgh, NY 12550.

Unless otherwise noted, all states are NY.

Unless otherwise noted, all area codes are 845.

 

Richard Abbott, Abbott & Mills, 238 Gardnertown Rd., 561-0462

 

Richard Alfano, RA Electric, 25 Willow Parkway, New Windsor 12553, 565-1367

 

Eric Askham, 176 Bellvale Lakes Rd., Warwick 10990, 986-0660

 

John Barki, 234 North St., 562-2037

 

Glen Barry, Hudson Valley Night Effects LLC, 70 D’Alfonso Rd., 565-1518

 

Nicholas Baumkirchner, NB Electric, 4 Vance Lane, Rock Tavern 12575, 497-7863

 

Ernest Bello, P.O. Box 4130, New Windsor 12550, 562-4594

 

Christine A. Brown, Northern Electric, 340 Chandler Lane, Montgomery 12549, 457-1120

 

Eric Charles Brown, Cristalbrook Electric Inc., P.O. Box 720, Plattekill 12568, 742-1161

 

Sean C. Burke, Burke Electrical Construction, P.O. Box 644, Goshen 10924, 294-7255

 

Mark J. Calderone, MC Superior Electrical Systems Inc., P.O. Box 453, Walden 12586, 778-6565

 

Matthew J. Canale, 242 Wilson Rd., Sparrowbush 12780, 452-7705

 

Richard Castleberry, 37 Flemming Dr. 236-2569

 

Kyle Chick, 716 B’way, 728-2028

 

John P. Cleary Jr., Clearwaters Electrical, 97 Brook Hollow Dr., New Windsor 12553, 234-6257

 

Thomas Coranas, 9 Coranas Lane, 561-1834

 

Edward Cuff, 3178 Hemlock Farms, Hawley, Pa. 18428, 570-775-7268

 

Donovan Davis, Lightning Electrical Contractor, 3 Pacer Dr., 566-0275

 

Charles DeVita Jr., Axcel Electric, 636 11^th Ave., New York 10036, 212-594-6494

 

Dominic DiCarlo, Bellaphia Construction Inc., dba Mr., P.O. Box 516, Stony Point 10980, 786-2298

 

Arthur Diefenbach, Adco Electric, P.O. Box 263, Montgomery 12549, 457-5744

 

Francis A. Dollbaum III, 21C Tanager Rd., Monroe 10950, 914-906-3523

 

Jamie Todd Doolan, East Coast Electric of Orange, 329 Howells Rd., Middletown 10940 741-7702

 

Scott Duffie, Duffie’s Electric Inc., P.O. Box 111 (11-13 Willow Ave.), Cornwall-on-Hudson 12518, 534-9928

 

Ray Duffie, Hudson Valley Electric, Box 94, Mountainville 10953, 591-5364

 

George Edgar, All Star Service of Orange, 12 Church St., Cornwall-on-Hudson 12520, 534-8780

 

John P. Ellis, Hudson Valley Electrical, 76 Highland Terrace, 926-2960

 

Dominic Ferrante Jr., Ferrante Electric Inc., P.O. Box 212 Plattekill 12568, 564-4928

 

Robert Fetzer, 195 Forest Rd., Wallkill 12589, 566-0917

 

William M. Geiger, BG Electrical Contracting Inc., 103 S. Harrison Ave., Congers 10920, 268-6701

 

Michael Gingerelli, Positive Electric, 12 Myrtle Ave., Belleville, NJ 07109, 973-868-2286

 

Maximino Gonzalez Jr., Maximino Gonzalez Electrical, P.O. Boc 620, Howells 10932, 386-4249

 

David Goodbread, North Plank Contracting Inc., 4 Deer Run Rd., 564-2683

 

Jason Goodenough, Goody Does It All, 16 Tina Dr., Highland 12528

834-3252

 

Way Dell Gray Jr., Pioneer Electric, 14 Oakland Ave., Walden 12586, 713-4513

 

Kenneth Haring, All Hands Electric LLC, 11 Overlook Place, Washingtonville 10992, 914-588-3726

 

Arnold Hecht, Traron Electrical Contractors, 162 Spook Rock Rd., Suffern 10901, 357-4445

 

Paul M. Howell, Lin R. Rogers Electrical, 2050 Marconi Dr., Suit 200, Alpharetta, GA 30005, 770-772-3400

 

Salvatore A. Incorvaia, J&J Sass Electric Inc., 100 Perkinsville Rd.,Highland 12528, 795-5453

 

Joseph L.Irizarry Jr., AJI Electrical Services Inc., 602 Orrs Mills Rd., New Windsor 534-3362

 

James Johannemann, All Bright Electric, 12 Regina Ave., Highland Mills 10930, 928-9365

 

William Jones, Jones Electric, 230 Rt. 17A, Suite 202, Goshen 10924, 343-4393

 

Andrew Kaartine, Andy’s Electric of Orange County, 29 Highview Drive, Salisbury Mills 12577, 497-3548

 

Michael Karol, Michael Karol Electric, 281 Salem St., Port Ewen 12466, 358-1200

 

Wayne Kelvasa, W.C.K. Inc., P.O. Box 599, Howells 10932, 386-2849

 

Charles B. Knapp, Deuce Electric Contracting Corp., 3465 Rt. 208, Campbell Hall 10906, 357-5657

 

John A. LaGrutta, LKM Ltd., P.O. Box 116, 31 Payson R., Cornwall 12518, 534-9065

 

James V. LaPenna, LaPenna Contracting, 135 Deer Run Ct., Middletown 10940, 346-4676

 

Joseph LaRossa, LaRossa Electric, P.O. Box 2402, Poughkeepsie 12601, 471-4656

 

Daniel LeBlanc, Roger Electric Inc., 73 Lake Ave. Ext., Danbury, CT 06810, 744-2265

 

Thomas M. Luther, Vista Electrical Contractors, 4 Waterford Circle, Washingtonville 10992, 497-7083

 

Daniel M. Lux, D Lux Electrical Projects LLC, 82 Weygant Hill Rd., Highland Mills 10930, 928-1284

 

Sean Maher, Sean P. Maher Electric, 2 Tin Ct., Walden 12586, 778-3002

 

Michael S. Mahood, Olympic Electric of the Hudson, 28 Orchard St., Wallkill 12589, 895-4063

 

Wayne Mariani, Val-Mar Contractors LLC, 18 Summit Ave., Walden 12586, 597-4771

 

James Marquis, J.J. Marquis Electrical Contractors, 138 Barclay Rd., Clintondale 12515-5014, 236-4873

 

Thomas Martin, 1015 Scott Rd., Franklin, VT 05457

 

Christopher Lee McGuiness, 1047 Washington Green, New Windsor 12553, 561-2104

 

William McNair, Bran-Air Electric, 67 South Plank Rd., 561-5111

 

Robert Menist, 13-40 George St., Fairlawn, NJ 07410, 201-890-9500

 

John W. Mok, Lab Electric Corp., 732 Ridgebury Rd., Slate Hill 10973-4316, 355-1919

 

Mark Monheit, 1418 Orange Turnpike, Monroe 10950, 238-2376

 

Michael Morgan, 145 N. Fostertown Rd., 569-0256

 

Sandro Nava, Electrical Innovations by Nava, Inc., 526 Liberty St., 563-0452

 

Jerome O’Donnell, Mombasha Electric, P.O. Box 92, Monroe 10950, 294-5383

 

A.J. Pantel, AJ Pantel Electrical Services, P.O. Box 100, Foss Rd., Thompsonville 12784, 794-7755

 

Stephen Parrella, J.D. Parrella Electric Inc., 299 Washington St., 562-4112

 

Richard Parker, Richard Parker Electrical, 264A Orange Turnpike, Sloatsburg 10974, 914-753-5829

 

Matthew J. Pillius, Mid-Hudson Plumbing Services Corp, P.O. Box 7466, 778-7664

 

Anthony Porpiglia, Porpiglia Electrical Contractors, P.O. Box 253, 2002 Rt. 9W, Milton 12547, 795-5010

 

John Poulin, JP Poulin Electrical Corp., 70 S. White Rock Rd., Holmes 12531, 878-4534

 

Clifton Fitzgerald Purcell, Seals Electric Contracting, 235 Carpenter Ave., 562-2625

 

Ralph Risio, Memorare Realty Holding Corp., P.O. Box 2591, 562-7437

 

Michael Romano, Mike Romano Electric Inc., 58 Maple Lane, Otisville 10963, 386-2751

 

Mickey Ruggiero Jr., 20 Blossom Grove Ct., Highland 12528, 565-1756

 

Stephen Saft, Saft Electrical Services Inc., P.O. Box 1088, Railroad Ave., Pine Bush 12566 744-5072

 

William Sager Jr., Sager Electric Inc., 69 Monarch Dr., 566-1873

 

John D. Sager, 9 Kentucky Dr., 562-0158

 

Mel Santos, Sunlite Electric, P.O. Box 354, Modena 12548, 883-5215

 

Pablo Sanchez, Lites R Us/Brite Lite, 121 Monhagen Ave., Middltown 10940, 344-1145

 

Barry Saxe, Cedar Electrical Contractors, Inc., 33 Fluorescent Dr., Slate Hill 10973, 355-2424

 

Gary Scotto, 6211 Beechwood Ave., Sarasota, FL 34231, 774-2974

 

Robert J. Senatore, S&S Electric, 35 City Terrace North, 728-9213

 

Michael Serini, Hudson Valley Electrical, 523 South Rd., Milton 12547, 795-1135

 

Bernard J. Sherry, B.J.S. Electric, 1000 Craigville Rd., Chester 10992, 774-8166

 

Henry L. Specht Jr., Specht Electric Inc., P.O. Box 7453, 565-6832

 

John L. Sullivan, 201 Caesar’s Lane, Apt. 69, New Windsor 12553, 527-6365

 

Walter Sutton, W.J. Sutton Electric, 27 Hi-Lo Drive, Campbell Hall 10916, 496-4450

 

Sven Syvertsen, Electric Incorporated, 411 Orrs Mills Rd., New Windsor 12553, 561-0637

 

Charles Tallardy, Perreca Electric, 520 B’way 562-4080

 

Bryan A. Talbot, 8 Judd Circle, New Windsor 12553, 914-760-2285

 

Eric Taylor, Taylor Lighting, Box 252, Nanuet 10954, 634-2272

 

Peter Terasi, American Eagle, 60 Bay View Terrace, 590-0164

 

Franklin Thompson, FT Electric, 83 Rombout Ave., Beacon 12508, 831-3550

 

William Timmons, 126 Liberty St., 914-565-7960

 

Frank E. Turner, P.O. Box 27, Montgomery 12549, 457-5869

 

Rudy Valentino, Box 245, Marlboro 12542, 914-755-1451

 

Alex Walminski, 894 Orchard Dr., Wallkill 12589, 566-7581

 

Dale Whitman, Whitman Electric Inc., 39 Kieffer Lane, Kingston 12401, 338-3589

 

John Wierl, Allied Electrical Services, Inc., 93 Beattie Ave., Middletown 10940, 361-3607

 

Ed Wolfe, Wolfe Plumbing & Heating Inc., 688 Rt. 17K, Montgomery 12549, 562-6722

 

Samuel Yonnone, 116 Sunset Dr., 561-4948

 

Michael Zambetti, Zam Electric, P.O. Box 417, Washingtonville 10992, 496-5060

 

Michael M. Zambetti, Zam Electric, 67 Yorkshire Terrace, Washingtonville 10992, 914-760-1558

 

Lawrence Zippilli, Ace Electric of NY Inc., 33 Peach St., Nanuet 10954, 627-1842

OK, readers: Here’s yet another chance to win fabulous prizes (similar to the prizes awarded in the “Name Sarah Palin’s Grandchild” contest, only even better!).

In today’s contest, you must correctly guess which of the following two events will happen first.  The catch is: You must submit along with your vote, the REASON for your answer. Ready? Here are your two options:

1. O.J. Simpson will find his wife’s killer.

2. The Newburgh police force will find the person who stole the $17,000 from the evidence room.

The beauty part about this contest is, of course, that ONLY TIME WILL TELL who our winners are, so you have to keep checking your local news medium (there will probably be only one left by next week, no matter where you live) for the answer. And i am thereby doing my part to save Journalism, as well as offer fabulous prizes to my readers. Good luck to all of you!

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror, and saw that my lips were gone.

No, that’s not the first line of “The Senior Citizen Blues” … or, maybe it is.

But it’s also the truth.

I’m not as old as I could be; if I live to September, I’ll be 60. But I’ll tell you what: My lips are gone. I have no more lips than a lizard.

It didn’t happen all in a day, or even a month. I first started noticing my lips shrinking last year, in fact. But as of today, they are definitely history. The pinkish skin is there, and that’s about it.

I’ll miss them. I used to have cute little lips; nothing to write home about, for sure, but perfectly fine. They fit my face. They were rather small, but “normal,” in that the bottom one was thicker and fuller than the top one, which my adoring but partially blind husband sometimes describes as a “bow.”

No more, baby. Where I used to have lips, front and center, an inch or so under my nose, it now looks as though someone inserted a credit card, edgewise. I have nothing but a series of fine, vertical hash-marks, where my lips used to be.

Oh, well: easy come, easy go. I can still kiss and eat with these thin, baggy things, so I guess I can’t complain.

But if you see a pair of lips lying around doing nothing, send them home, will ya?