Poison Ivy!

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…Or was it?

Ever since i went weeding around in the old Jewish cemetery in Newburgh at Crystal Lake a few weeks ago, i’ve had this awful, red, bumpy rash that i assumed was poison ivy. I’ve been slathering myself with Caladryl (a pumped-up version of the old standby, Calamine Lotion, made famous by pediatricians and the Coasters) and doing about three loads of laundry a day. I’ve washed in the hottest possible water and probably too much Wisk the sneaks i wore to the cemetery, my sheets, towels, washcloths¬†and blankets, and just about everything else in my house that will fit in the washers at the Heights Laundromat.

But i kept itching. Finally two nights ago i decided to go the other way and try good old Lubriderm. It seems to be working like a charm, which means either that i over-dried myself with the Caladryl, or that i never had poison ivy in the first place. My husband, Tim, recalled the words of a Zen-Master dermatologist of his acquaintance, who summed up his art in 15 words: “If it’s dry, wet it; if it’s wet, dry it; above all, don’t scratch it.”

I think i’ll tattoo that on my ass.